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An Old Friend

Posted on May 24 2013

I sit at my desk with my head in my hands. My mind wandering to every possibility, every outcome, every regret. The minutes feel like hours and I cannot escape it. The words I hear from everyone make me think and make me wonder. Hopelessly thinking about the past and wondering into the future. And then it hits me. There is an old friend that will make it all better. A friend that doesn’t need any words to heal my wounds. A friend that has always been there no matter what. I slip on my running shoes and disappear into the dusk.

As the sun continues to fade into the hills I begin to pick up speed. Pushing harder and harder, and yet I cannot escape the pain. The thoughts swarm my mind no matter how hard I try to push them out. As I continue down the familiar road I begin to lose hope. What if this old friend cannot help me this time? What if the hole in my chest is too deep for her to fill it? Scared, my footsteps fall with a heavy rhythm on the hard pavement as I near my destination. I turn off the road and onto the trail I’ve run a million times before. My heart races as my thoughts chase me into the night. I finally get to the doorstep and I stop to catch my breath. The fear, the pain, and the emptiness all begin to reel me back in. Just as I’m about to break I begin the painful ascent. The thoughts, that smile, the broken pieces begin to fade as I climb higher. The pain in my heart begins to be replaced by the pain in my legs. Step after step, foot after foot, I start to let go. I see the top and I channel every ounce of being into the next stride. My heart beating faster and faster, My breath getting louder and louder. With one final push I reach the top and I find it. Bliss. I can’t think, I can’t feel, I can just be. For one ephemeral moment, nothing else matters. I know that as soon as I untie my shoes it will all come back, but for that one perfect moment there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, just now. Just this one simple moment in which I can forget about everything. The cool evening breeze bends the tall grass left and right as the sun takes its final peek of the day. The night sky begins to fill with stars while the city beneath me lights up. As it all beings to creep up on me again, I take one last glance from my perch, and set off into the darkness, into the unknown. Even if I’ve lost my sunshine, I’ll always have my night.

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